|And now for a little self therapy...
||[Mar. 18th, 2009|11:32 am]
|||||T.I. - Live Your Life||]|
So yesterday was Dad's birthday, he's now 80 years old... and I'm more than a little pissed of a myself that it took me 2 hours, a large swig of SoCo, and thinking of things that piss me off to get the strength to call him...
( Cut because I'm gonna go off...Collapse )
So now begins the process, and to be honest, I'm still conflicted. On one hand, there's my anger that frankly I just can't hold back any more, and the guilt I have to balance because despite all this shit, the man is still my father, and I do love him, but I CAN NOT do this... and I think worst of all, I feel for my sister, who seems to be the perpetual peacemaker her. Truthfully, this is not only gonna break dad's heart, and mine, but Tonia's as well, and even though I can finally admit I've been driven here, I am gonna be the sword that pierces us all, and that is...a terrible burden on me. Im gonna be the one who brings upon a gigantic meltdown, but even my own mother said "you've done much better, but YOU STILL NEED TO FOCUS ON YOU... we'll all take care of ourselves." So I just need to resign myself to the fact that I am gonna have to play the villain and the hero, and hope to heaven I have the emotional and psychological fortitude to endure this.
Now, being that this process is finally in motion, I realize it can't stop here. Dad's possibly the biggest issue I need to lay to rest, but there are a lot of others I've neglected over the years too, so as he gets his, others will get theirs. So in the coming days or weeks, I'm serving notice that there are many people I need to say a lot of things to, and a lot of things that I need to rid myself of. I have some good things, and some bad things to let out, but this is a new day...